Cara Delevingne said she’s found absolute freedom in sobriety.
The native Londoner has experienced massive success as an actor and one of the highest-paid models in the world, but said she used alcohol as a crutch that eventually dominated her life. When asked if it has been easy to quit, Delevingne was rather candid.
“It hasn’t, but there have never been moments when I’m like, ‘This isn’t worth it,’” she told Elle UK in an interview for the September issue, published on Monday. “It’s been worth every second. I just don’t know what it would take for me to give it up. I’m stable. I’m calmer.”
Delevingne said Alcoholics Anonymous and its 12-step programme have been invaluable. She does breathing exercises and yoga, and said “art is therapy” and “feeding myself creatively” have helped as well.
Delevingne, 30, first experienced depression at 15 after learning that her bipolar mother was addicted to heroin. She dropped out of school in 2009 to begin modelling, and started depending on alcohol to manage her newfound fame.
“It didn’t feel real,” she told the magazine. “I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I didn’t feel worthy. I was still stuck in this mindset of not being good enough. I was doing the best I could, but I wasn’t really appreciating every moment. Inside, I felt very different to how I looked.”
Delevingne nonetheless transitioned into acting with films like Suicide Squad, whose co-star Margot Robbie became a close friend. Recent headlines suggested Delevigne was struggling with addiction. Overcoming it, she said, taught her a lot.
“That I’m resilient as hell,” she told Elle UK. “That anything is possible. I think I used to say that and not believe it. But now I really believe it.”
Delevingne recently reconnected with childhood friend Leah Mason, who has since become her girlfriend. They attended Pride fest in Los Angeles together — where Mason reportedly used two dildos to perform a drum solo that Delevingne called “fan-tas-tic.”
“For a long time, I felt like I was hiding a lot from people who looked up to me,” Delevingne said, adding that she took a break from the spotlight after that. “To disappear and come back for air. I finally feel as though I can be free and myself, fully.”
Read the full interview in Elle UK, on sale from 27 July.